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Stages of Marriage

We all have expectations in life, for our career, family, finances, children, and even in our marriages; that all will be well and successful. An expectation is an attitude of hope.

Once we decided to get married, it came with high hopes that we had joined our life with the right person forever. This wonderful union of holy matrimony is designed for two individuals to share their hopes and dreams as well their fears and failures. But because these individuals have only known individuality, they each take their first steps within the new confinements of marriage with different perspectives and approaches in mind. After all, their individual training included different sources of influence and experiences. This, many times, causes confusion, disagreements and in some cases even divorce.

According to experts, success in your marriage depends greatly on the sources of influence in your life and that of your partner. In addition, feelings of inferiority, and a lack of healthy interpersonal relationships often manifest as a result of a person who lacked affection from their parents, friends and/or their formative circle during their childhood. For this reason, it is important to analyze the expectations that you and your partner have in advance.

According to the approach and vision you have of marriage, so will be the success and result of your relationship. When expectations do not match, problems and arguments arise and false expectations can bring marital crises. Therefore, you should learn to know the expectations of your partner, as intimately as you know your own.

Author Gary Chapman, states in his book: The 5 Love Languages: “To be effective communicators of love we must be willing to learn the most important love language of our spouse.” Dr. Chapman understands that just as there are different languages, people also speak different love languages. “Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese and Spanish. No matter how they strive to express love in Spanish, if your spouse only understands Chinese, they will never understand how to love one another. ”

Therefore friends, you need to see and understand marital language the correct way. In Christ we have the hope of a successful marriage and a united family. This occurs when you take the time and special care to communicate to your partner the right language he/she can interpret or expect to hear from you.

In 1 Corinthians 13, the Apostle Paul says man can desire, have, dream and walk under the principles of faith, hope and love, but the greatest of all and everlasting of all things is love. Learn to live out this passage the following way:

1. Seek to know and understand that unmistakable language of love, that forgives everything, endures all things, believes all things, always seeking, always hopes. Do not wait until you are lacking it in order to begin speaking it, take that quality time and express it.

2. Give that loving touch that expresses purity, understanding, compassion, support and solidarity even when you haven’t been asked for it. Let your partner know that you are there, whether silently or actively, even when your partner wasn’t expecting your visit or touch. These surprises and improvised touches always renew and rejuvenate the soul’s feelings.

3. Forgive ignorance, forgetfulness, differences and frustrations throughout your journey of love so that you may be able to reach safe harbor. Storms always attack but with a watchful and correct handling of “forgiveness” you can move into another direction.

4. Forget selfishness forever, believing that you are the protagonist of this love story. When you chose your partner, you decided that that person would be the protagonist and you would be the counterpart. Everything will be about your partner’s satisfaction. You can write your love story in a unique and masterful way; you can decide the ending to your story.

I conclude by telling you what someone once said, “Love is a decision and any partner can start the process today.” I pray that your relationship is long lasting, enjoyable and full of immeasurable success. May the Almighty God guide you, direct you, and give you the wisdom needed so you may continue being victorious where others said you would fail. Amen.

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